Marks of destinction?

Some people wear jewellry and others wear a certain style of clothes and still others dye and colour their hair to set themselves apart from the rest. For a period of time it really bothered me that so many people felt this need to be different... like they needed to prove something. Then as I aged and got a place of my own I realized that I really wanted a place of my own, not a row house or some standard square pad in a large grey cement building and the hunger for individualism emerged. I realize now that I've always been somewhat unique, probably as a result of my pot smoking, hippy, happy Mum who was as free a spirit as ever existed... I just need to get comfortable with it.

As a child I was in a horrible car accident. I shouldn't have lived. Infact those who responded to the accident scene took the two other passengers to hospital and were treating them when I was discovered in the ditch sometime later by the crew that were clearing the road and remants of the crash. Rushed to hospital and all mangled up, doctors didn't think I'd live. Then they thought that I wouldn't have any brain function... later it was just my physical abilities such as managed movement, sight and the abilty to hear or speak that would be lost. A young mother's insistance made the doctors operate, perform skin grafts and plastic surgery and here I am today... one hell of a shit. I come by my tenacity with legitimacy.

I've worn my scars on my face since I was two years old. It's funny that a lot of kids get picked on... the chubby ones, the skinny ones, the tall girls, the short boys, the kids with accents, the ones who no money and velcro shoes... I'm quite amazed that in all my years (33 and counting) that I've only been called "scarface" once. I've only been called a "fag" once in a parking lot... I've never been challenged or beaten up... never been harrassed, never been so much as laughed at... Why is that? I should have been - after all I was the short, skinny kid, had an accent, was orphaned, poor, scared and not good at school. I couldn't play sports to save my life, couldn't even swim... yet I survived and got through it far better than dozens of kids that I watched and pitied.

Today I wear all those marks of destinction. I wear them in my skin... they're in my pours and breath and so much a part of who I am that I feel as confident as ever. I'm hungry now for a more visible mark of destinction... I guess I'm at that time in my life. While a student at a religious sanctioned university in the USA, I got both a small tattoo on my hip and a piercing in my belly button - I was SOOOO rebellious. A few years later while in Montreal QC for the Festival International du Jazz a Montreal with my partner, I got my ear pierced... I'm ready for something else now.

In preparation, I've spent many hours thinking about things the represent me, where I've been, the people in my life, the things that have shaped my character and ultimately my choices. I've designed a new tattoo that I plan to get in the next few weeks and I'd like to share it with you. The tattoo has the following elements and meanings:

A strong central tree with deep roots = C'est Moi. I've always just identified with trees, they are come in all shapes, sizes and colours. They provide shade from the sun, break the wind, give shelter to both humans and the beasts, they bear fruit and nectar... Magic to me. The roots represent my hunger to have roots, to feel secure and steady in my life.

At the base of the tree is golden rods of wheat. The wheat represents my Grandmother who raised me. She's always feed me and sustained me and been connected to the earth. I can't think of anything more perfect and simple than the image of wheat for her.

There is also a red ribbon at the base of the tree. Ribbons have become known to represent breast cancer, diabetes, supporting our troups, HIV/AIDS and other diseases. The ribbon for me represents all those who fight their battles and the courage that it takes as individuals and families and societies to overcome obsticles and the turmoils of health.

A fence off to the side of the tree is taken from the headstone of my Mum. When I was nine years old I lost her and was forced to pick a stone for her grave. I found one that had an old broken fence, it had flowers growing up the side and butterflies around it. She loved being outdoors, in the sun and working on her far. It was a perfect image and marks her death and that tiem in my life.

Above the fence is a little bird in flight. Mum was a little robyn bird to me... Now she flies about in the heavens and sings to me. She's free and though not with me... she's always there with me.

The sky has a bright burning sun on one side of the tree and the moon and stars on the other. Having always been religious and believing in the heavens, the spirit of life, God, the Godess and Eternal energy... I feel that the sun, the moon and the stars best represent my connection to my past and present religious self.

Scattered near the robyn bird and in the branches of the tree and music notes, eigth notes and sixteenth notes. Music is for me the great escape, the great coming home and the great and quiet place that I can find myself and loose myself and discover myself. My greatest experiences in life, my most sacred times, the most wild and zany times have alwasy been connected to music so it's important to have music there with me as well.

Encircling all of this a sort of rock mandala with four key stones on the top, bottom, left and right. In each of these keystones is one of the elements - earth, air, fire and water... the things from which we all come and will return to. There is soemthing special to me about the four directions, the four elements... some things overpowering. The symbols of the clouds for the air, the waves for the water, fire for... well fire and the earth for um... the earth also have greater meaning to me. The world represents for example, all the places I've lived and people I've met and things I've learned and experienced from Canada to the USA to England, France, Mexico, Japan and Italy... God I love Italy... sigh!

Twisted around the stone mandala is a gorgeous vine with deep green leaves and lovely flowers. The flowers represent my lover, my friend, my partner and husband Colin Emilio. He is the brightest thing in my life. He makes me happy, brightens each day, makes me smile and brings peace to me. Flowers are what reprent his happy, colourful self. He actually thinks of himself as a roma tomatoe but that's just too far a stretch for any artist to encorporate.

Above it all and resting to the top keystone - the piece that keeps it all together is the sign of infinity. I don't believe in a beginning or an end. I believe that all things are connected, inter-related and blend from one to another. The sign of infinity also represents the dualism of male and female and I think that those traits should be cultivated in each of us.

So here are my two home made designs... I hope to get something like this placed on my back between my shoulder blades... that way I've got these things on me, backing me up and "watching" my back. Once I get the tattoo this summer, I'll post a pic and let you all tell me what you think... It's sure to be magic to me.