Hands...

So I've been on my own for the weekend... My partner/husband was called out to a business meeting in Toronto on Thursday and isn't back until tomorrow afternoon. Each time he's gone I imagine with great delight the many magical tasks that I am going to accomplish in his absense. I falsely believe that with more time to myself and less time devoted a relationship that I'll be able to put my hands together and accomplish great things if not miracles... Each time he's gone I think I'm going to start that book I've been talking about for oh... 7 years or maybe I'll sketch for the whole weekend and come up with some brilliant idea for my next painting. I've even considered pulling out my flute or some old sheet music and getting back into things. Hell... I've even considered cleaning the house.

When it comes right down to it... I get very little if any thing accomplished and then I wallow in my misery and self-pity about how much of life I am wasting and how I'm always complaining about how busy we are in this world with all of our toys and blackberry's and stuff that are supposed to "free us up" and what it all boils down to is that I hunger for the chance, the time, the freedom to do nothing at all.

I acknowledge and respect and even yearn to be like those who manage to go river rafting on the weekends or dragon boat racing... I've got tremendously talented friends who take road trips and incredible photographs... I've got other friends who go out regularly and one that travels to a different city almost weekly. Other poeple I know have learned a language in what seems like days, or made roman shades from toothfloss and garage sale finds... People find the time and energy to re-arrange their homes, volunteer at the animal shelter, get dressed up and get stupid at pub while watching some stupid show called Big Brother 8... and I seem to accomplish almost nothing when left to my own devices.

I used to be involved in everything. I needed a personal secretary and 2 day times (pre blackberry days) and a driver just to manage. I had so much energy and felt so alive and involved in things... somewhere along the way it all started to slow down and change. I think it may have been my junior or senior year of university - which co-incidentally was when I started to take naps... I'd lay down in the library or Fine Arts faculty building and sleep for hours.

So I thought about my hands today and what they could have accomplished in the last 3 or 4 days and what they really did... I could say that the drawing here is something that I did this weekend... but that would be a lie... it's a sketch of hands probably done when I was thinking about this exact thing some two years ago... Hmmm... at least I can find the time and gumption to type... Later!